Make vulnerability your superpower!

divinelotushealing

Aug 28, 2022

7 min read

Updated: Apr 2

5 ways we can stop hiding behind our vulnerability and stand in our power.

Vulnerability can mean something different to each person, a term that is personal to you and your own journey. It is showing up as you are, with no apologies and no explanation. Our beautiful and authentic selves.

So why is it we are so fearful of being vulnerable, either to ourselves or to others? Is it a fear of rejection and ridicule that keeps a part of us locked away, keeping us small and unable to connect?

I lived in this fear. I was scared of being alone but unable to really connect.

Vulnerability to me was weakness, something that had the potential to destroy me, made me feel fragile and broken. The idea of being vulnerable with anyone filled me with dread and quite simply was not an option.

Now i wear my vulnerability like a crown. Not armour to protect, but high and bright. i own it. In all its messy, unapologetic glory.

My vulnerability is my strength, my source for growth, inspiration and love. I looked it straight in the face and refused to back down until i had conquered something that had kept me living in fear for so long. Let me show you how..

Vulnerability is different for everyone ~ But it can be everyone's superpower

#1 - Vulnerability - Strength or Weakness?

I often ask people 'Is vulnerability a sign of strength or weakness?'

The answer i hear the most is that it is a sign of weakness, we tend to view vulnerability as weakness in ourselves but not in others.

When we enter relationships, we admire those who share their vulnerabilities with us, it helps us feel connected and we get know them on a deeper level. so why do we expect our partners to bring it to the table when we ourselves cannot?

The story we tell ourselves is a powerful one. When we tell ourselves that our imperfections should be hidden, our partners won't like our flaws and will leave us. We reinforce the idea that there are parts of us unworthy of being loved. When we tell ourselves the story; 'I show my vulnerable side, I will get hurt.' We live behind fear and a belief that making yourself vulnerable will cause us pain and so we hide from it. It is this hiding and this fear that has kept us safe for this long so why would it let us down now?

Maybe then, it is not the fear of showing up, showing your vulnerable side, but really a fear of rejection.

So the first step is determining answers to these questions;

What does vulnerability mean to you?

If you shared your vulnerability, how would that make you feel?

What are the stories you tell yourself?

What is it you are really afraid of?

#2 - Facing your flaws for growth

Do the inner work. Sounds simple but in reality, looking inside ourselves can be a painful and difficult process. We must face our demons in order to conquer them.

Now you know what vulnerability looks like for you and the story you tell yourself, it is time to dig deeper, much deeper but asking 'Why?'

When you feel vulnerable or contemplate the idea, where do you feel it in your body? Do you feel your stomach drop or your breathing change? Sit with it. Get comfortable with the feeling, it is not your enemy. Just your body reaction to a perceived threat that your mind has convinced it of.

“When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up, we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability. To be alive is to be vulnerable.” — Madeleine L’Engle, an American writer

Look at where you feel most vulnerable in your life, where that fear of vulnerability shows up. Is it in your work environment, do you show the world you are impenetrable? Perhaps you take on all the tasks and have never ending to-do lists, yet fall apart when away from work? What would happen if you asked for help? When answering these questions, notice what comes up for you. What 'stories' you tell yourself that try and convince you that hiding your vulnerability is the right path. Question these stories with the same enthusiasm a child questions everything around them.

It may be helpful to write down your findings, all the things you say to yourself and spend time going through each one. How would you respond if it was a friend or loved one, treat yourself with same love and kindness.

#3 - Who are you giving your power to?

'I have been vulnerable before and they left me, I've been hurt' These are all things I commonly hear and have told myself.

..who exactly are you giving your power to?

If we are looking at vulnerability in relationships, ask yourself why you are fearful of it? Perhaps you've been vulnerable before and been hurt and so naturally want to protect yourself, that's a human reaction after all!

But it is one that no longer serves you. Can you imagine going through the rest of your life defensive of what people may or may not do to you? Life is filled with tiny little moments of pure joy and happiness that often come when we allow ourselves to show up fully as we are. To show up in our relationships fully as we are. To live fully as we are, is to experience every moment in all of it's divine beauty. Closing off that part of ourselves because of what one person may have done to us or because of negative experiences we have had, gives them all of the power.

'What if i show vulnerability and i am ridiculed or rejected?' Okay, great! The reaction really has nothing to do with you. Someone else's reaction has nothing to do with you. So why are you taking that on? Why are you giving them your power? Why does it matter to you so much what others may think? Because really, it is not them you are living for, it is not their life you are living.

You cannot control the ending, you cannot control how other people choose to show up, but you can control how you show up. You can give it your all and create an incredible experience by being open and by focusing on what you can control.

That is in your power.

#4 - Find comfort in the uncomfortable

You can only love others with compassion when you do the same to yourself.

If i am vulnerable, I am showing up as my true authentic self. That is how i want people to love me, as who i am. Fully. I want people in my life that i have deep connections with and accept me for who i am, all the darkness, the chaos, the beauty and the light.

You deserve that. You deserve to be loved for exactly who and what you are. Every messy detail, your vulnerability, even the parts of you that you yourself are yet to accept. All of it deserves to be loved. And the craziest thing happens when you decide to find comfort in the uncomfortable. When you decide to stand in your power and own who you are, the world opens up and that's where the magic happens! People around you see your power and you become a magnet for all the beautiful and meaningful relationships you desire.

So try it, be uncomfortable, you may just surprise yourself.

#5 - Share. Embrace. Practice.

Changing something about ourselves is scary, it takes work and courage to face our flaws and project parts of us out into the world we so often hide. Yet if we do not embrace this process, we continue just as we are. Nothing ever changes. Our lives do not change and we continue to search for those things we feel we lack. Being vulnerable is not something you wake up one day and just decide to do. It takes time and practice and self awareness. But it is also something that you can do. It just takes practice. Practice being conscious of your thoughts when you feel vulnerable, practice feeling uncomfortable, practice change. Small steps make the biggest difference, you just have to start with the first one.

“When you are no longer afraid of what others will think, you’re more willing to put yourself out there in all the various ways there are to do that: in relationships, in your career, with your art and creativity, with your exuberance and heart.” — Karen Anderson, a master certified life coach and author

Vulnerability is not a weakness.

Your vulnerability is a gift, both to you and the universe. So change how you view it, treat it with love and kindness and use it as your superpower.

I would love to know how you get on and what your thoughts are on the issues surrounding vulnerability. Leave your comments below and perhaps you can help others find their superpower.

The Japanese art of Kintsugi

I came across this art form almost by accident. Broken pottery is mended with lacquer mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum. Instead of trying to mend the pieces invisibly, hiding the fact that they were ever broken, the cracks are transformed into decorations. The pieces become more valuable because of their flaws.

For me, this is the perfect symbol of vulnerability as a superpower. We move from trying to hide it, to accepting that it is there and arrive at a place where we can transform the lessons we have learned into wisdom and understanding. Sharing this gift with others and with yourself.