Calling Bullshit on Time
They say 'Time is a healer.'
They say 'Just give it time.'
Or my favourite; 'Time is the healer of all wounds."
I'm here to call bullshit.
Okay so not total bullshit. Time does provide you with the space to process, the space to continue and keep on living.
But what it also grants to you is the time to push the memory of the experience and the emotions of it down. To compartmentalise, to bury them so that existing is not as painful.
This is the place where your defenses thrive so you may live with the aftermath of the experience. But time does not in fact heal.
Our standardized concept of time; minutes, hours, days and weeks is just simply that. A measure. Not the healer.
So here is the bullshit call-out; Your past traumas do not heal with time.
They do not go away with the weeks or years.
It would be nice if they did. Where time was the antidote to trauma.
Where we could say 'just give it time' and mean it.
Want to know what does heal trauma?
You.
The beautiful combination of you and hard-work.
It doesn't seem fair does it?
Especially when our traumas happen to us and often through the actions of another person or situation. And after it all, we are the ones left to pick up the pieces, to deal with the pain and then are expected to do the hard-work to fix it. Like some weird little injustice of the universe.
Again, sorry. It isn't fair.
But it also is what it is.
Before we dive head first into all the ways you can heal trauma, we must do the one thing many of us are afraid of doing.
Stop.
Stop in order to move forward.
Stop running from it, stop trying to fight it. Stop wishing it didn't happen. Stop blaming ourselves and stop obsessive over all of the ways things could have been different.
Unfortunately the past is not something we can change. Only the now is. And for the now, we must stop.
It is hard to stop and to slow down when we are hard-wired for survival. When our nervous systems are living in a state of fight or flight.
Unfortunately the past is not something we can change. Only the now is. And for the now, we must stop.
But without stopping, we will not be able to move forward, forever stuck in a loop of our traumas. Living in the past whilst surviving to live in the present.
Recognise what is thought and what is emotion.
When trauma happens, whether it be from childhood or yesterday, we respond with thought and we feel with emotion. Many of us do not recognise the distinction between the two.
Of course thought dictates our emotion, and our thoughts are a valid way of processing our experience, when we think in a way which is effective and not harmful. Our thoughts are the rational, based upon facts and reasoning.
Emotions from our trauma are the ones in which we need to process and release. releasing trauma is how we heal and is something that is not taught within our society. Our 'keep calm and carry on' mentality.
Instead, we tend to store it, internalise it, allowing it to fester away deep within our subconscious mind and in our bodies. Emotions are sensations we feel within our body and are unique to ourselves.
Ask yourself..
What emotion is it you feel from the trauma?
What emotions come up for you?
And as importantly; Where do you feel them in your body?
How do they feel? Are they fast or do they feel heavy and slow?
Learn to sit with your emotions and really feel into them.
Accept and acknowledge what it is you are feeling, regardless of whether they are positive or negative, they are all equally valid.
You are in the process of understanding your emotions, to understanding your thoughts and distinguishing between the two.
From here, we can move forward into healing.
From here, we can move forward with releasing trauma and the grip it has on us.
Seek help.
Seek help from those you trust. Whether that are friends, medical professionals or healers.
"A task shared is one halved and you are not alone."
Healing is a journey. It can be a lonely one or it can be one in which you are supported.
Regardless of who you turn to, we all must have safety and support when walking our path.
Give it time.
Now this is where time does come in.
Time does not heal. But you do.
Time is just the thing you need to give to yourself.
Healing is a journey and if it one you need guidance with, I am here to be that guide.
It is my job to create that a safe space for you, one in which you can start to process your emotions, recognise your thoughts and begin to release your trauma.
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